So I saw a ship commissioned today, and she was quite a boat, and in general it was a nice ceremony.
There was a band. Four pieces of music were necessary: the national anthem, "Anchors Aweigh" as the crew lined the rail, the Navy hymn during the benediction, and, for whatever reason, "God Bless America" (don't even get me started).
Some stupid broad with big hair sang the first and the last of those. And she guessed wrong on her starting note for both--too high for "The Star-Spangled Banner" and too low for "God Bless America." What's the point in paying a band? Haven't the armed forces figured out that bands are infinitely better for patriotic songs because they have the range and most instrumental musicians can count? To four?
Look, if the crew can't stay in step to "Anchors Aweigh," or with each other, why bother to play anything at all? "Eternal Father, strong to save" is morbid! Just cut bands from our defense budget!
(I actually mean they should drop the vocalist overboard. For anyone keeping score.)