Look, I understand that they probably save millions of dollars by not having to pay translators, and I get as much joy as anyone (or possible more) in interpreting the instructions as "Tie yourself up with an antique corded phone before calling Ikea" or "Humping the furniture so vigorously that it shatters will result in nothing but regrets the next morning," but I really feel like a few judiciously chosen words might make the whole assembly process dramatically easier. You know, something like the occasional text that says "Hey, guess what? Despite looking identical to all the other random rectangular chunks of wood that came in this box, this particular one's orientation when you screw it down is actually super-important, although you won't realize it until much later when you are forced to disassemble the whole thing and start again." Or something a little bit more concise than that might also work. I might even be willing to settle for "!" (which would be cheap to translate, since I figure it pretty much translates to "!" or maybe sometimes "¡!" Well, except for Russian, where it translates to "Пингвин!" because Russian makes no goddamn sense at all.) At some point, Ikea just needs to admit that these aren't exactly Legos and that differentiating parts isn't as simple as counting the bumps.
And hey, while I'm suggesting ways Ikea could improve, if they could tell their store employees not to give really dirty looks to someone just because he happens to be throwing giant stuffed animals at people in the children's section of the store, that'd be great.
P.S. I will use a power drill to assemble this furniture if I so please. Just try and stop me. I dare you.