Kale chips are what they serve at the Super Bowl parties in Hell, when it's always the Broncos beating the Falcons and the only beer is warm and flat.
They are not delicious. That is a lie you tell yourself to make it seem as though they have all the virtues of real chips with none of the drawbacks. In fact, they have neither the virtues nor the drawbacks, because they are not food. They are a vile, contemptible mendacity.